Do you remember in high school when teachers encouraged you to write in "train of thought" style? It is 1:50AM and suddenly I got to thinking about so many things and then I thought, "I should do a train of thought blog entry." I can probably type about as fast as I think... well, maybe not that fast, but pretty close to it. I should write some of this down so I don't forget it, and also to see where we end up.
And it stated with the healing power of a mommy sandwich. I've never been someone who thought that her love language was physical touch, but as I snuggled with my daughter tonight, I got to thinking about how every now and then I get these huge headaches. I get a headache maybe once or twice a month, but the big ones are really big, but luckily only come maybe 3 times a year. By big, I mean epic. I once went to the hospital because a headache had me writhing in bed to the point Cesar just couldn't (or wouldn't thankfully) take it any more and said we had to go. I've been better about reaching some of those root issues that I know about since then, but sometimes when the bigger ones come, there's something more comforting that I have seen truly take the pain away without taking a single pill. That is a mommy sandwich (in the dark). Daddy on one side, Mommy in the middle, my arms wrapped around Audrey and Cesar's arms around me. That physical touch, that love, that comfort has brought me pain relief like nothing else and I didn't expect it. I'm noticing more things about myself that I never knew before. I'm loving the direction life is taking us, though I'm never sure what I'm saying yes to. I want to say yes to everything and I have so many big ideas, but I need people to hop on the train with me and sometimes I need help. I don't usually know exactly where to look for it or who to ask for it, but at 1AM, I'm not really concerned about that. I just designed a very pretty brochure, but it's got a picture that I love but I'm worried it will come out pixelated, but I'm sure very few reading this want to hear about that. It's just one of my projects and I love when I have the opportunity to be creative. I do wish I was more creative with Audrey. Too often I worry about the mess I'm going to have to clean up if we do this science project or the amount of work that will go into that art project. I know whenever we sit down to it we will have fun. I also know she's not wrong when she begs for me to play with her and to do things to her. It's that balance I'm looking for-- to be a good parent, to make specific and special time for her while also getting her to respect the time she may have to occupy herself. She did soooo well today. I had a two-hour meeting and then came home and worked on some design work (which was productive, but maybe not as productive as I would've liked). I wonder what EMT will look like this year. There are so many variables, I admit I'm a bit nervous and excited. I need to pay up for the Cuba trip and I hope Audrey's passport gets here pretty soon. It should. But the waiting and the deadlines make me nervous. Audrey is going with me to her first concert on Sunday! It stinks that it's on a Sunday. I didn't think about that and that's when we usually spend time with Cesar, but one Sunday for this special experience for her will be worth it. He would be miserable there anyway. I really need to get to another soccer game. I wish I had a Sporting KC "in" or something. I'd like to take Audrey on a tour and now that she likes soccer (or maybe even loves it), I think she'd be much more excited to meet a player. I really really would love for her to get to participate in one of those clinics with trainers from other countries. I still remember mine where the trainer was from England (I think). It was so neat, and really got me excited and ready to go in future seasons. I should sign her up for a more competitive team in the spring-- not so much for keeping score or competition, but to help teach her the skills. I often wonder if I'm really teaching her what she needs to know in school. My methods might be a bit dry, but that's why I try to keep variety. I wish I knew how to get her into the history more. I LOVE the history. She says it's boring. It is a lot of reading. I just really need to make sure I make time for those projects. We're going to the zoo possibly this week. That place is expensive. So many good zoos are free. Audrey wants to go to Mexico to swim with the dolphins and the sea turtles, though I think she humors me with the sea turtles because she knows I think they are just wonderful, amazing, adorable. That would be an awesome trip. I also would love to take a trip to one of those castles in Italy where the castle is a hotel now. I wonder why they don't have some "real life" princess experiences or something like that. Maybe their history is just so cool they don't need to add the extra fantasy around it, but I would love a princess experience. I often say "Audrey would love" when what I really mean is "I'm super psyched to..." Bollywood movies are amazing. I should order some Korma Sutra food (we love that place) and bring it home and see if I can wear Audrey down to where she learns to love Bollywood. Maybe we'll start with musicals. She does really like "Funny Face" and "The Sound of Music." Okay. 2:12AM. I should probably sleep. I don't think I wrote down anything I was hoping to remember tomorrow, but it is what it is. Tomorrow is dance day. I love dance day. Even if it kicks my but, I feel like a rock star (if I don't watch myself in the mirrors). I sometimes think of bringing friends but then I think maybe it's better if no one I really know sees me like that. hahaha. Last time I did a full hour class I got overly confident and hurt my back. I'm good now. Maybe tomorrow I'll be back into my good schedule. Goodnight. As they say in Khan Academy, "Amber out."