My Response to Attached Parenting Critics

Disclaimer: The following responses don’t necessarily reflect the entirety of my parenting style nor do they accurately describe my current situations. These are responses made on a Yahoo! comment board in response to some very harsh and extreme comments. Please read the following as such and continue to watch this blog as I discover and flesh out (and who knows– maybe one day write my own parenting book). In the following posts I hope to explore psychology, anthropology, medicine– I want to do it all and form an Amber Parenting Style. :)

In response to the Yahoo! article:

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/jamie-lynne-grumet-defends-her-time-magazine-breastfeeding-180300346.html;_ylt=Aobhnm72cuP4.huDoU3iQ96s0NUE;_ylg=X3oDMTFib2ZnYzA2BHBzdGFpZAM1ZjAxMjc4Yi04MDNhLTM4MDMtOTc5OC03ZmM3OWJhYjRmN2Q-;_ylv=3

There’s nothing sexual about this nor is it wrong. Most who argue against extended breastfeeding really haven’t thought it through. For those who argue the pre-school argument, by two years of age, when they’re away from their mom they’re not looking for anything but solid food. It’s mostly evening/night and maybe in the morning. For those who tried to argue the cultural side, give me a good argue against, because I studied anthropology (which actually made me want to practice extended breastfeeding before my daughter was ever born). Anthropology textbooks point to the fact that those raised with attachment parenting philosophies (keeping in mind that there are indeed extremes which then become indulgent and lack discipline) created more independent, intelligent AND socially caring and responsible ADULTS. The argument I get the most is about the effect of co-sleeping on my marriage, and I’d have to say that would be a concern if my husband weren’t the first to say that he’s on-board with it all (even if I offer to move to change a bit). A strong marriage isn’t about sleeping patterns (although I’d have to say we get more sleep co-sleeping and have since she was born than most parents I know of with kids in the next room), but about a good dialog. Attachment parenting does not mean the kid gets everything she wants. It means she gets security, but there’s nothing in the attached parenting philosophy that says there should be a lack of discipline or limits elsewhere. Healthy limits, in my opinion, include that I (personally) do not breastfeed outside of my own home or when I have visitors. I am a modest person and prefer that others not see what I’ve grown up knowing as PRIVATE parts. Running around in diapers is the same thing– inside the house or in a yard on a super hot summers day (though that’d probably be in a swim suit), but no stripping anywhere outside of those limits. Teach respect of others’ boundries– discipline enforced when other’s boundaries are imposed upon (discipline varies based on the type of imposition and the age and understanding level of my daughter). A good parent teaches and attachment parenting really opens the door for healthy lessons. It IS a common style of parenting in many cultures, and is upsetting mostly when it is not combined with a taught respect for others or when others are insecure themselves. I’ve already gone on too long, so I’ll leave it at that before I start getting into more psychology and anthropology. Those are my basic thoughts.

Reponse #2:

why is there such a rush for little kids to grow up? This kid here has 15 years in front of him to be independent from his mom. Why not take advantage of every moment and stage the family has together? I’m not saying breastfeed until their 8. But most kids wean themselves by 4, which is not an age where they’ll be moving out of the house or interested in the opposite sex any time soon. And as for wanting to write off the “other cultures” argument, it’s actually a valid argument that I studied in college (before I was even married with kids). That’s like studying American history and saying, but please don’t use the constitution in any of your discussions. The great thing about being American is that in many ways we HAVE learned from other cultures (sometimes in current world and sometimes in ancient history). Why not?